I apologize profusely for the delay in getting things posted, and hope that the 4 of you who are still paying attention will forgive me for my sloth.

Today, we conclude our study of the characters of the Banner of Heaven Weblog with Aaron B. Cox.

For several months now I’ve been trying to decide how to do a write-up of Aaron B. Cox, and I really have never come to any conclusion. If you are among the veterans who know the writings that fell from the typing fingertips of Christian Cardall, you likely know exactly what I mean: the posts really just kind of speak for themselves.

Nevertheless, it is important to for the newbies–at whom this series was directed in the first place–to understand that without Aaron B. Cox, the Banner of Heaven Weblog would never have achieved the level of attention it did. The impact of Aaron B. Cox is visible in virtually every comment thread in the archives, despite the fact that only 10 pre-expose posts are attributed to him–considerably less than any of the other “permas” on the blog. Whether or not Cardall’s character–a scripture- and GA-quoting and grammatically horrifying former jock from Wyoming–was a failure or a success depends on what measuring stick is used. On one hand, Aaron’s posts are almost all among the most popular and memorable on the blog; on the other hand, Aaron’s complete and utter insanity in his posts represented clear proof that the blog was a hoax to many people, almost from the beginning. The fact that Cardall produced these posts was almost as equally astounding, given the reputation he had from his blog “The Spinozist Mormon” which was deeply philosophical and about as un-Aaron B. Cox-like as it gets.

To get a feel for Aaron’s style of writing, as well as the general theme of the responses to his posts (I.e., people questioning his existence), consider the following:

And again we have the irrefutible divine logic of Father Lehi. And if there is no God we are not. Neither the earth. For there could have been no creation of things. Wherefore all things must have vanished away. And all of this, is sealed and testified to by the power of the Holy Ghost.

So to all who marvel and wonder. You can wish me away. And the truths I declare which you find to be hard things. But I and my words shall not pass away. Maybe you think like Enoch I am a strange thing in the land. Well Joseph also took upon himself the name Enoch. And he finally was to the world too strange for the world to abide him. And I Aaron, am happy to be in their company. Your eyes are open to my words. You can read them. Wherefor you can testify you have heard my voice. You can grab your computer screen with both hands. Or even print out this post. And heft the screen or the print out in your hands, tangible proof. For if I did not exist all my posts would have vanished away.

To that statement, a random John replied:

I hope for your sake that your character is a sick joke. Because if it isn’t, you’re half a thought away from moving to Manti and setting up your own church…I don’t find your words “hard”, I find them immature and soft-brained. The reason that many people suspect that this website is fake isn’t that Sep’s story with the sisters is so out there or that there seems to be an unusual amount of drama in other people’s lives. It is that your posts are indefensible. All of them. People can’t believe that someone like you exists. If you’re real, get help. Go talk to your bishop about your prophetic calling.

In that response, a random John alluded the possibility that Aaron had fundamentalist leanings, which is something that had been cultivated in Aaron’s character from the beginning (In my conversations with Steve Evans, DKL, and Brian Gibson, one possible plot line that was discussed was the possibility of Aaron becoming a polygamist). For example, in response to Miranda on Jenn Mailer’s first post (about Sabbath dating), he said,

You’re right there aren’t many desirable worthy men. Just look around you in church and see how many more righteous women there are then men. Thankfully we latter day saints know there is provision in the Lords plan for this even if the world can’t bear it now. You are fortunate you found your husband, be grateful you don’t have to wait until eternity for yours.

In reality, Aaron’s story arc was fundamentally different than the other characters’ arcs in the sense that there really is no story arc: essentially all of Aaron’s posts represent literal or implied calls to repentance for the readers or else defenses of opinions he stated in previous posts or comments and which drew criticism (I suppose in this regard, he isn’t that different than most bloggers, really). Although Aaron didn’t have the sister missionaries visiting (Septimus), dating issues (Jenn), or a rotten spouse (Miranda) to fill blog posts, he nevertheless did hit on certain themes frequently, with education being one of the most common targets. In his first post, “Get Off the Speculation Train“, Aaron rails against the educated masses of the bloggernacle:

“Speculation is a rampant disease in the bloggernacle. The root of all evil here is that the intelect is worshiped like a golden calf. My brothers and sisters and I all got good grades. But my dad didn’t want it to go to our heads, so upon graduation from high school he gave us each a copy of a book called “On Becoming a Disciple Scholar,” with chapters from several brilliant men including General Authorities. It is one of my favorite books, I highly recommend it. Elder Eyring is the editor. In the Brethrens’ contributions all they talk about over and over in answer to “How can scholars contribute?” is, Submit. One of the professor contributors, Paul Cox (no relation) seemed to think scholars had something special to contribute. But it seemed all the others had pretty much the same message. Submit to the leaders, don’t think you’re special. This is the path of safety. Intellectualism is not what is needed. Submission is what is needed. More listening ears, not churning brains and yapping mouths…For this reason I made a conscious decision not to get an advanced degree…Perhaps some people can handle it. But the spirit whispered to me, Be careful about learning. So I decided to get a degree in construction management.”

The irony of that post is that, despite it horrible reception–most of the comments either ignored the content of the post or strongly disagreed with it–it is quite likely the closest Aaron ever came to a reasonable position on any topic. However, Aaron’s comments in that thread as well as other threads resulted in Aaron posting more directly about education, in which he sternly declares that there will be no doctors (“When the woman who touched the hem of Jesus’ garment was healed she was healed automatically as virtue was sucked out of him. This was directly through his priesthood power. Did he have need of any medical knowledge. Obviously not.”), lawyers (“For can you point to a single good thing the scriptures say about lawyers. Or Joseph or Brigham for that matter. No.“), businessmen (“The worldly business training will not be only not be used, it will have to be shed to get through the eye of the needle“), or intellectuals (“Feminist theory, queer theory. Socialism and communism. Degrading arts and media. Atheist philosophy“) in heaven.

Notably, Christian Cardall, commenting as himself, pointed out that Aaron had omitted scientists from his “list of learneds who will be superfluous in eternity.” Naturally, this was Cardall pitching to himself, as Aaron responded with a post a little over a week later titled, “By the Power of His Almighty Word“:

“Why did I leave out Science in explaining why the various other kinds of learning I discussed will not be needed in eternity. Well because it seems to be more closely related to God’s created works. It seems at first like something that will actually be useful in eternity. To create worlds without number. So I felt good about this when taking science and engineering classes. Which I had to take a few. Because construction management is in the College of Engineering. I liked the thought of God being the great Architecht and Engineer of the universe.”

Despite such a promising beginning for science in Aaron’s world, he goes on to explain how he was troubled by the sinful deeds of many of the great scientists of the world:

I enquired diligently of the Lord to gain understanding concerning this thing. And after a space of time the Lord granted me understanding. And the Holy Ghost brought all things to my remembrance as scenes from the scriptures overflowed before my mind, beginning with the keystone of our religion, the Book of Mormon….Hear O heavens, and give ear, o Earth! The Lord our God worketh not by technology, but by the power of his word. He is neither scientist, nor engineer, nor indeed architecht. As hath been testified, he is the Almighty, commanding directly, and the elements stand at attention. He sets his thoughts and it is accomplished. No sooner hath he decreed, than it is done. And also this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord. And as these scenes closed before me I said, Truly the Lord is God. But tell me, Lord, what of the scientist? Before thy majesty his works are puny, nevertheless, why are the accomplishments of the unbelievers greater than those of the believers. And the answer came forth with. From fragments of the Lord’s word that hath already gone forth among the children of men, needing only the guidance of the Spirit to see the divine pattern.

Early in the comments, Aaron is asked why he chose to write in the form of scripture. His response?

“I didn’t write in any particular style on purpose. I just sat down and wrote as it came to me. As felt natural. If it sounds like scripture then I suppose it might be.”

After that post, however, Aaron stopped posting for over a month, and returned with this provocative opening paragraph to a post about God being the driving force behind hurricanes, tsunamis, and other natural disasters:

I’m glad to see that in my absence the blog was kept plenty busy by such weighty matters. Like makeup on men. And hand wringing about characters like DKL. And old farts going country dancing. And fake boobs. And boobs in the moonlight, not so alone after all. Sorry to be sarcastic. Don’t get me wrong. Except for makeup on men I don’t have anything against the above stuff. For example I’ve had some fun country dancing. And I’ll admit I’m as intriged by boobs as the next guy. But not fake boobs. A pair of well formed natural B’s or even A’s really, beat fake D’s any day in my book. Though I’m sure we all could agree, that a pair of exsquisit natural C’s is among the most supernal of divine creations. Especially when they… Well, but now I guess I’m getting carried away. C’s and D’s were not the kind of weighty matters I had in mind when I started this paragraph.

While there are other topics (his love for Truman Madsen) and posts (Many are called, but few are chosen. Many are cold, but few are frozen.) worthy of discussion for their sheer lunacy, it would be wrong to focus solely on what Aaron wrote and neglect the rest of Aaron’s role at BoH, and how his simple profile picture helped expose the blog as a hoax. As that story is best told by Rusty Clifton, I’ll just conclude with Aaron’s final, desperate (and poetic!) defense of his own existence:

Remember the Nauvoo Expositer. Well now there’s the Nine Moons Expositer.

Yes the picture I have used is not real. Is that so surprising. I didnt use my real picture for the same reason I didnt use my real name. We all know there are times when protecting oneself from ones enemies is the right and necessary path. Remember Joseph and others had to use false names in old versions of the Doctrine and Covenants. He often had to hide from his enemies. And keep his doings secret from those who did not understand the ways of the Lord, those that sought to lay snares to destroy him. And withold revelations for a season from unbelievers. Like the Book of Moses. And the revelation on the new and everlasting covenent.

[Quotes D&C 121:11-25]

It is an ugly thing to dig in the dust hoping to find some small thing with which to condemn a man. Why do you think Satan is called the accuser of the brethren. Do not judge a man for protecting himself. Rusty and your minions I wish I could thrash the stumps with you in person. And anyone else who seeks to impeed this work. Well I cant but I wont hestitate to do what is within my power, to immediately destroy comments to this blog that detract from it’s mission. And if thou art not aware, cut you off. Truth is being erected. And I wont allow any unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing. Persecutions may rage. Mobs may combine. Armies may assemble. Calumny may defame. But the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent. Till it has penetrated every continent. Visited every clime. Swept every country. And sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished. And the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done.

Joseph destroyed the press in Nauvoo;
May the Lord destroy Rusty’s wordpress too.

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Coming up tomorrow: Part 2 of the BCC Zeitcast series on the Banner of Heaven, with Rusty Clifton as guest. What you’ll hear about if you listen in:

• Obey Aaron!
• The Expose Contest
• T-Shirts
• Hurt Feelings, Regret, and Much More!